Tuesday, 11 December 2012

My girlfriend is young and impulsive. How do I control her?

(solution to a relationship problem by ROHITMEH09@GMAILcom)

You have to understand a few things before you take on to some approach on how to solve this problem. As you have mentioned she is young and very impulsive, many a thing done in impulse are not conscious choices of a person; for example, like you have said that she tends to say that she wants to break up and later apologize about it.
 The problem is not how to control her, the problem is how you control yourself and how much these impulsive statements of her affect you! 
I'll take all your problems and solve them for you, your first problem is she fights too much. 
Generally, every guy:
- tries to reason with his girlfriend
- Apologizes 
- wastes his precious time in explaining to her what it really meant, and why she shouldn't fight about it, and how much pure the bond is as a couple, and blahblah!
- fights back and both have long-lasting verbal battles. 

What you should do is: 

If she has a valid point; if you have really committed a mistake which you know of, and were prepared to face this call, then listen to her and kindly apologize. 
But if she has misunderstood something, or is wrong at her part: 

Just close your mouth, and listen as closely as you can. Let her complete the entire thing, so you can carefully choose your points, and understand what she actually wants to say separating it from her blahblah (talks which show how disappointed she is/ how much embarrassed she was/ how much angry she is). When you would do that, you'll realize that she took 15 minutes to complete what could have just taken one sentence to be said.

2) Don't ever clash. 
Break-ups happen only when two parties clash, but they would never happen, if only she is angry, and you are not. Guys think they cannot reason with girls, but that is absolutely wrong. You just do it in the wrong timing. Don't clash just immediately contradicting her statement because she went out of line, or what she said was not at all true. Control yourself. Let her finish, and keep nodding as if you are attentively listening to whatever she is saying - which also you are.

3) Once she is over, take the points down. 
Once she is over complaining or whining. Your sentence should start with: So what you meant to say is, you have the following problems, (and one by one, in points, list down all the problems from her words). When you will do that, she'd be confused. The basic reasons behind this:
- She had never actually formed her points, before she came spilling out of her mouth.
- She never expected this, all she expected was winning and you shamefully apologizing. 

4) Once she is confused, gradually put her down. 
This would give you enough confidence, time and points to easily put her down in front of you and show how idiotic her whining was. The conclusion would be that out of 100 %, only 20 % of what she complained about was true and plausible. You can show this to her and lecture her on how she should behave the next time she has any problem. Tell her that she needs to first think from your point of view.
Now, this is a great way of showing how you can control things, and gradually such a habit can make you win every fight. You win fights not because you are smart, but because you kept your calm and didn't become all chaotic. Talking about manners and proper way of communication is a sign of dignity and respect.  

(Post your relationship/ dating problems for detailed solution within 12 hours) 

1 comment:

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